I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
