Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize