Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
