can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
