My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
