Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
tell me about the fingering
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