So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.