I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.