I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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