So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.