Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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