is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
