if i can run in heels then i can drive
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
