she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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