This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
