I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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