I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
