in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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