it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
