He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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