i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
