dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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