Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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