So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
