Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize