I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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