i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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