exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
