I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
