Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
