So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
