Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She needs sedatives and a leash
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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