the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
