ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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