i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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