as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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