i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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