I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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