Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair