'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.