Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My vagina just clenched in fear