my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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