Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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