im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
