Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
