I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
