She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
