just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
