Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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