you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
