You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
