OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
