Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
