I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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