girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
