there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
