is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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