to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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