So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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