I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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