Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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