Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
