wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
These tits shall not be calmed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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