Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
