where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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