Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just pee around me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
