No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
