You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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