would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
