He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
