Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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