Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
