I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
