When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
